Time for a getaway!

Lordy, lordy now I'm 40!

 30 Years old...

 40 Years old from this one down.

Like many people I struggled with turning 40, I seriously thought the minute I turned 40 my whole world was going to change. I would have to cut my hair short, start wearing mom jeans even though I am not a mom, take out my piercings and use super glue to fight off the wrinkles...

But, as it happens, I feel better since I turned 40. Sure I have those moments I tug on the corners of my eyes and wonder when my age will walk up and slap me hard. For now, I am going to enjoy it and only hide on those days I just can't find it in myself to see the brighter side of things. You know, like hey, you woke up.

It feels a little odd, most the guys that hit on me now days are young enough to be my kids. I'm not so comfortable with this. It is, what it is I suppose. I think I will leave the cougar title to someone else, well until I get a lot older and maybe senile; then we will see what happens.

How has everyone else dealt with aging, not just mentally but physically too? Gym, tattoo's, plastic surgery?

Forgarien

Forgarien

Ash rolled out of bed slowly, grabbing her still aching head as she set up.  “Damn” she moaned.  She ran her fingers through her long mangled red hair putting pressure at the back of her head.  When she stood up, she felt every drop she drank the night before.

Swearing to find a new way to deal with her problem and never drink again as she slumped down the stairs to the kitchen.  She opened the fridge to a broken egg, ketchup, and a gallon of milk about a week past date.  Shaking her head, she closed the door.

“Hair of the dog” she said as she reached over for a bottle of vodka sitting on the counter.  The fluid burned going down her raw throat.

“A little early for that isn’t it?”

Ash reached for her hip, no gun.  She spun around, a new warmth much like what the vodka caused washed over her.  In the doorway was a petite girl with a large chest and crystal blue eyes standing in front of her with nothing but a towel around her head and a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

She walked over and kissed Ash then sat at the table.  Still frozen from confusion the only part of her that was moving was her mind and it sped around too fast for her to keep up.

“Her name is Kerrigan.”  Said an obnoxious voice from her right she wished she could ignore.  Ash rolled her eyes and took another large drink from the vodka.

“So, Kerrigan, crazy night last night wasn’t it.” Ash set her bottle down and leaned onto the counter.  The girl looked up and smiled.  

“You have no idea how wild it was” the voice laughed.

Ash threw a dirty look at the doorway of the kitchen.  Kerrigan had a puzzled look on her face as she turned to see what Ash was looking at. Seeing nothing, she shook her head and laughed.

“If you’re seeing double just remember I’m the bad girl and the one over there is my evil twin.  Though I am guessing with that look on your face you don’t remember much from last night.”

Ash hated admitting it, but nodded her head. Never in all of her years had she ever blacked out, it just all seemed off.

“Well, we met at The Barnyard and spent the evening drinking; dancing and when things started becoming more X rated we came here.  The rest I am sure you can figure out.”  She unraveled her long blonde hair from the towel and started drying it.

She remembered going to the bar, but still could not place the girl.  Ash looked towards the doorway; she hated that he knew what she was forgetting.  All the years trying to block out a demon, drinking, hypnosis, acupuncture and God only knows what else.  Now she was looking too him for help; he was always there, like a guardian angel sent from hell.

Forgarien gave her a wink and smiled.  “Someone spiked your drink last night; sweet tits over there didn’t show up until the drug already kicked in.  The two of you hit it off and came back here and tore up the living room.”

Ash watched Kerrigan as she dried her hair. Thinking about what Forgarien had said.

“Well I am going to have to get ready for work soon. Do you want me to call you a cab or something?”  

Kerrigan lifted her head, Ash seen a flash in her eyes that was gone as quick as it appeared.  Was it hurt, anger, hatred maybe?  She wasn’t sure but something about it un-nerved her.

“I thought we would spend the day together getting to know one another without all the alcohol and sex.”  She purred in a low voice as she crossed the room and put her arms around Ash.

Ash looked down into her face; she was at least a foot shorter than she was.  Those eyes were so clear and familiar without even a thought she brought her hand up and caressed the girls face.  She did not look like she could be more than twenty and though she hid it there was definitely something more behind those eyes than desire and interest.

“I wish I could but I am loaded down with work. Why don’t you give me a call later so we can talk?”  Shit, she hoped this would work.  Ash held her breath for a second waiting to see if she would blow up or burst into tears.

Kerrigan smiled.  “Kiss me and I will go.  As soon as I dress at least” she looked down at her naked body before pressing it close to Ash.

Ash reached down and pecked her quickly on the lips.

“I said a kiss” Kerrigan scolded her with a smile. She put her hand around Ash’s neck and pulled her head down close to hers.  Prying her mouth open with her tongue, she clasped her breast with the other hand massaging her already hard nipple.

Ash closed her eyes and moaned as she became wet and started to shudder.  She grabbed Kerrigan buy the shoulders and pushed her away.  The emotions that were flooding her were confusing she smiled down at her.  

“Come on I will help you find your clothes.” She put her hand between the girl’s shoulders to guide her along.

As they came to the living room, she dropped her head to her chest shaking it back and forth.

Kerrigan laughed as she started putting couch cushions back in place as she searched for her clothes.

Ash picked up a stack of books and put them back on the bookcase.  A bra was in the middle of one as if a makeshift bookmark.  

“I think this is yours” she tossed it to her before putting the book on its shelf.  Quietly shaking her head, all the paranormal self-help books and not even one that could help her.

“That look she is giving you is enough to make MY skin crawl.”  Forgarien walked over to Kerrigan as Ash turned to see the girl with the same dark look on her face.

“Is there something bothering you?”  Ash finally asked her.

“Well, other than being forgotten by someone quicker than it took for them to fuck me, sure.”  Kerrigan’s eyes relaxed and she smiled.  She pulled a pair of jeans out from under the couch and slid them on. “Ah, my shirt is over on the other bookcase.”  

Ash walked over and grabbed it as Kerrigan put her jeans on.  She felt the slinky material between her fingers; she felt butterflies in her stomach. Kerrigan drew close to her.  “If you like it keep it, I just need something to wear home.”  Ash handed her the blouse, her face felt as if it were on fire.

“It is pretty, not really my kind of thing, but thank you.”

Kerrigan laughed as she put her top on.  “I noticed that last night, you never know though.”  She walked back to the kitchen grabbing her purse and started for the doorway. Sliding her shoes on, she stood by the door looking at Ash.

“I believe the vixen is waiting for you to say goodbye.”  Forgarien told her.  Ash bit her lower lip as she started towards the door.  

“Do you have a number I can reach you at some time?”  Ash asked somewhat awkwardly.  Kerrigan shook her head giving her a half smile.  

“I do, but I have yours that way I know I will hear from you again.  I’m not the one night stand kind of girl.”

Ash was afraid of that; this has to be one of the most awkward situations she has ever gotten herself into.

“Kerrigan look, I am sure we had a great time last night but, I’m not a lesbian.  To be honest I have no idea how this even happened.”  Ash looked at her feet then back up into Kerrigan’s face to find an amused expression.

“For someone who isn’t, you’re pretty damn good at it.  We can take it slow see what happens.  You never know what may be hidden deep down if you let nature take its course.”  Her blue eyes turned a little stormy as she said this.

Ash was in no mood to argue with her, and if she was honest with herself there was an attraction there she could not explain. Maybe it would be worth exploring further if nothing more to figure out what was behind the roller coaster of emotions that flew through her eyes.  

“Okay, just remember I am going to be busy the next couple of days.  I won’t have a lot of free time until this weekend.”

“Yes, sir.”  Kerrigan saluted then giggled before pulling her into another kiss that sent sparks and warmth shooting through Ash.

When Kerrigan left, Ash stood with her back leaning against the doorway.  Not knowing if she really wanted to ask Forgarien what happened.  Resigned she had no other option, she went to the kitchen and sat at the table.  Forgarien appeared in the chair across from her.

He smiled at her with an annoyingly charming smile.  If he were not a demon and a thorn in her side, he would make a good-looking guy, Ash thought to herself.

Drivers Needed Oklahoma City

Looking for drivers with a minimum of a class B CDL, for the Oklahoma City area. Dump truck experience or PTO experience helpful but not necessary. We will train the right individuals.

The starting pay is $16 an hour with a review after your first 60 days and then again after 120. A potential of $18 an hour.

This is a contract position, meaning at this moment you will file a 1099, in the future we are hoping to change this but these things take time.

Please keep in mind that the weather can affect work though in Oklahoma it doesn't slow down as much as in other states.

If interested please call or text 405-922-6325

Hit and Run accident I40 near Portland Ave Oklahoma City

January 29th, 2018 between 4:30-5:00 pm I was involved in a hit and run accident.  The driver I believe was in a light brown color chevy pick up truck the best  I can remember at least.  Then again as fast as it was hurdling at me it was hard to tell.

The driver smashed into me sending me into a vehicle. My mini cooper was destroyed, I went to the hospital but walked away with a case of whiplash and an aching body; I walked away though.

If anyone has any information in identifying the vehicle involved please contact the Oklahoma Highway Patrol Troop A.

Thank you to the Texoma Officer who stayed with me the entire time and the paramedics who dealt with my sick humor I know I was a nuisance!

Top pic from News 9 in OKC

A question asked

Someone asked me a question today, it really got me thinking.

They asked me what I wanted, I naturally assumed they meant as my next steps in life. So I started spouting off a job, my own place and friends and then they stopped me.

"No, what do you want from another person. What have you been missing, wanting and needing."

It hit me in a strange way, an almost shocking way. I thought about it for a bit before responding.

The want and need for someone that loves me. Good, bad and indifferent. That I can feel safe with, in their arms nothing can reach me but the person holding me. They would wipe away my tears and the sorrow with it.

Someone who would take control, not for the love of dominance but to be my guide and rock. To know I can be safe no matter what because he will protect me. I had always been the one to protect and care for those I was with. I want to know what it feels like to have the same.

I want someone that has as deep of a connection to me as I do them. They can feel me when I am close, they know my next move even if it isn't something I have done before. I crave that sort of connection with someone. Not just saying the same thing at the same time but something deeper.

To know if I were standing in a room full of other women no matter what they may look like, I know I would be the one he would always chose.

Passion, not just in the bedroom but in all of our moments together and some when we are apart. Kissing me as if he had not seen me in months every morning and every evening.

Someone who would argue with me one minute and fall into bed laughing the next. Then great makeup sex just because.

They realize I may like pretty things, but, I amuse easily and a flower picked from the side of the road can bring a tear to my eye quicker than a dozen store bought roses.

Most of all someone that makes me feel stronger as a woman, but knows that I would still find a thrill in making his dinner and rubbing his back because he is what I desire. Not that I feel obligated to do so but a need to do it.

One that knows I am his biggest cheerleader and always by his side and he at mine.

Separating after 9 years

After over 9 years together in a row, my husband and I are now separating.  No blame will go to either side.  We have both messed up through the years but now we have come to a point where nothing seems to work anymore.

We were together, yet so far apart.  Right now I am terrified, I haven't had a job in 8 years what the heck do I do?  My mother is gone and honestly feel I have no where to turn.  After such a long time I have to find myself again, learn how to work, to make friends and most of all be alone.

I am 37 and starting again. Not knowing if I will sink or swim is scary, but, in a way exciting.  I am going to try to have a job and a place to live within a month.  Let us see what happens.

Wife of betrayal

So, last night I hurt my husband very deeply. If I were a better sort of woman the pain in his eyes would have warmed my icy heart, instead I laughed.

Walking through Wal-Mart getting last minute items before he left out for another week away from home I realized I didn’t have to worry about what I was having for dinner tonight. I went shopping yesterday morning and picked up a few items so he could have a choice for dinner last night.

I let him pick between brauts or chicken, I failed to mention with the chicken I would be making asparagus with mushrooms and steamed carrots. I made a comment that I would just have asparagus tonight and he stopped dead in his tracks, mouth open. A look on his face as if I had just said “I am leaving you”.

I am now an evil wife since I did not mention he would be having asparagus with his chicken. He picked brauts so as not to put me through too much trouble. I suppose he deserves a nicer wife who tells him his FULL menu choices before letting him make a decision. But, he is stuck with me.

Tonight I eat asparagus enjoying every bite while thinking about his disbelief at my betrayal. I love you honey 💋

TeamNoKids, my world and I can't have children.

Things like this bug me a little bit, perhaps some "not all" are only trying to keep a strong face.

On the outside they smile and joke but they feel they are dying on the inside.

It may just be a way of accepting not being able to have children.

I remember when my doctor told me I had to have a hysterectomy and would not be able to have children. My previous appointments were full of "as long as you have a uterus we will get you pregnant."

When she told me I had to have a hysterectomy, it felt as if someone had completely ripped my lungs out.  My stomach started lurching. 

But, I made jokes. I smiled and laughed saying how maybe now with that idea out the window my husband might travel the world with me and we could be nomads.

In my head I was screaming, tears burning at the back of my eyes. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I held it together, until I got to the car.  Then I lost it, I spent a long while slumped over the seat of the jeep crying and hyperventilating. 

The day we were scheduling my surgery I wasn't as many smiles and she sneered at me "You have been hemming and hawing about having kids any how".  I wanted to claw her eyes out, I always made jokes about it because I knew the very strong possibility was there I would not have children.

I avoided the baby sections of stores like the plague walking around the whole store just to get from point A to point B.  I still do avoid it but not like I used too. It is a thing I have come to accept even though it still hurts.

I tell people I don't like kids all the time. I sometimes even scream EWWWWWW when they touch me. It's my way of coping.

To be honest, it probably didn't help I had just lost my mom right before this along with other problems we had, for me it was a dark year.

For those of you who have kids when you are talking to someone about them not having kids and how they can just be a foster parent, or adopt. Just, dont, don't do it or say it.

You have had your children, the person you are talking to will not have the chance to experience the 9 months of bonding, the mood swings and all other good and bad of feeling a child growing inside them.

Adoption is extremely expensive, so is childbirth. But, with adoption you have to pay upfront and if you don't have the funds you don't get a kid.  I am pretty sure they don't cork up pregnant women so they can't give birth or repossess the kid if you can't pay your hospital bill up front.

As for being foster parents imagine raising your child for a short time knowing there is a strong possibility that child will be torn from your family and you will not see them again.

Personally I can see that being easier for those who have children, they have the joy of raising theirs so they can look at it that the short period of time they showed that child a lot of love and improved their lives.

For me, that would leave another dark hole. I know how I get attached to friends kids or some of my ex's. When they are gone from your life it hurts like hell.

So if I make a comment about not having kids and how great it is, that's my mouth trying to protect my heart. Because my heart is screaming "Why!"

It sad that in a world so hateful people can have massive amounts of children they do not care about some doing unnatural hateful things to those children. People that want children can't have them have to sit back and watch these things. This isn't saying it doesn't affect parents who love their children. I am just saying it is just another slap in the face for those who can't.

Okay, that was my yearly go crazy rant.  I try to keep them at a minimum. I think I was just in a mood and needed a break down.

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